..dia masih kekal dlm ingatan..

17 03 2007

Assalamu’alaikum..dah 5 bulan Khalid pergi meninggalkan kami sekeluarga..tetapi ingatan terhdpnya tetap utuh di hati kami..(rindu kat Khalid)..tp yg pergi tetap akan pergi dan x akan kembali lagi..moga2 impian kami sekeluarga utk bertemu Khalid di Syurga Firdaus dikabulkan olehNya…allahummaghfir Khalid..

"ku ingin berjumpa dgnmu..kau yg telah menghadap Illahi..biarkanlah hanya dlm mimpi..untuk menghapus semua rinduku"


HIKMAH- written by my beloved sis, Asma’


Petang tadi pergi ziarah kubur Khalid b4 balik Kuantan…teringat nak post apa yang dah tulis b4 this…lama dah simpan…

Imag0031_3 All these while, I have always been the type of person who would keep to myself anything that happen to me, be it good or bad, hurtful or otherwise and would just regard them as happenings that we would all reckon as having some hikmah which only Allah Most Gracious knows. But after the passing of my wonderful beloved brother Khalid, I began to see a lot of hikmah behind many things that happened years before. I’ve shared  this with my friends, my adik2 usrah, in qiyamullail programme and now I want to write about it here so that everybody can read and maybe we can learn something InsyaAllah.

          My father is a government servant. He started to work for the government since he came back from Brighton till today. Abah started his career as a lecturer in a polytechnic and now he is a school principal. Many of abah’s friends that started working in the government sector have moved on to the private sectors or to work in universities for better pay and they now earn lucrative incomes as high as ten to fifteen thousand ringgit per month. But abah stayed on and now, after over two decades of loyal service  earn about 4000 per month. I always asked abah why he did not follow the footsteps of his peers and pursue greener pastures? They are of the same batch with him, studied together but now they have bigger salary, big house, good car etc etc…but abah would just reply ‘don’t look at the people above us…just look at the ones that are less fortunate than us’…so I just kept quiet after that. After Khalid became sick in 2003 I started to realize that there are hikmahs behind my father “loyalty” working as a government servant.  Khalid’s treatment of chemotherapy and bone marrow transplant are all covered by the government. Chemotherapy drugs are so expensive…do you have any idea as to how much cancer treatment would cost in the private hospitals? Bone marrow transplants alone would consume costs between RM45 000 and RM120 000 and prior to BMTs are several sessions of chemotherapy and radiotherapy which would cost a lot too. It’s not surprising that the same treatment that my brother went through would cost close to half a million. The hikmah of my father staying on is realized only after so many years has passed.


          Last March, abah planned to go to New Zealand to visit my sister, Sumayyah out of concern over her health, so we went to the MATTA fair in PWTC to buy tickets… Abah planned to go on 13 November but then the tickets were sold out until December. We were quite disappointed…and as usual I’m the one who would fret and grumble in annoyance…I had bad thoughts that the airline people are cheating…how come all of the tickets get sold out? Did they allocate lots of tickets or had just a limited amount on discounts? In response to my grumblings, abah just said…takde rezeki nak pegi. If Allah had willed that he went to NZ, he would have got a ticket for sure because the fair was in March which was many months prior to the intended trip. There is indeed a hikmah behind it..just imagine if he did get a ticket and went to new Zealand on that 13 of November….Khalid passed away on 15 November 2006…just two days after the date that abah planned to go there. Allah knows best….


          Another thing, we thought that Khalid would probably have relapsed since April last year…after the consultant stopped his prednisolone and immunosuppressants to prevent any graft-versus-host disease that was prescribed for few months after transplant, he started to lose appetite and his weight went down almost 10kg…he went for follow up every month in the clinic where the doctor routinely checked his blood counts and for any node enlargement and to observe for signs of rejection and possible relapse and also to look out for signs of infection. On diagnosis he had extensive node enlargement involving his cervical nodes bilaterally, the submandibular, supraclavicular, axillary nodes and also nodes in the para-aortic and iliac region including the inguinal nodes.(Ya Allah, please reward him accordingly for all that he endured…) The doctors would always do the routine physical examination and it made me wonder why they never felt the enlarged inguinal node which only became noticed when his doctor whom he had become very attached to just decided to feel for nodes near the groin. He was taken by surprise to find the 6x4x3 cm node there! For almost two years of follow up nobody had the hunch of checking or even given him appointments for CT scans. Lymphoma patients usually have 2 or 3 CT scans done during a couple of years post transplant, but this aspect of care was overlooked by the doctors maybe because he was always treated as a leukemic patient. Anyway, I would not dwell longer on this matter…what I want to say is we could have discovered the fact that he relapsed much earlier rather than finding out when the disease was widespread but as Muslims we go back to basics that there are things that are destined to happen despite whatever care or monitoring done. We were shocked and unhappy when we were told of his relapse though positive that he would pull through again with the help and mercy of Allah but he passed to the next world peacefully just over a month after that. For a moment, it crossed my mind that.…if only we had known it earlier…maybe he will be okay….but there must be a hikmah….that’s why there is a hadith that forbid us from saying ‘if’….there is a hikmah to what I’ve just related. Khalid was bestowed by Allah Most Beneficient Most Merciful the most enjoyable year of his 19 years of life where he had a full year of wonderful school experience where he found learning to be easy and enjoyable. He even managed to get a driving licence and to be happy of being the top boy of his class. He would have been deprived of all these achievements and happiness if the disease had been discovered earlier on. I would like to think of what happened to my brother in this perspective so that I would always be in the state of redha. We would all surely return to Allah, there is no doubt about that BUT what is our concern is HOW and in what state we want to return to Him. There are many secrets behind everything that befalls us and the hikmah will one day be understood if we have patience and endurance and redha.


tabahlah wahai hati dlm menghadapi ujian dlm kehidupan ini~