:: i’ve lost my brother..written by abdullah zubair ::

7 02 2007

Year 2006 will always be a year to remembered and cherished for the rest of my life. This year holds a lot of incidence and happenings, some wonderful and some heartbreaking. I sat for my SPM together with my brother (may Allah bless his soul) who is three years older than me. Who would imagine me ending up being so close to him after being drifted apart from each other since the day we were enrolled with two different boarding schools, me to SMS Muzaffar Shah and Khalid to MRSM Terendak. We only met during school holidays, during which we fought a lot and could not get along in many occasions. But Allah destined us to eventually be in the same class that is 5PKE1 and I sat beside him in class. It saddened me very much when my brother was diagnosed with a life threatening disease which my family and I know nothing of; that is Non-Hodgkin lymphoma which is a cancer of the lymphatic system. It all came down as a shock to him and to all of us. My brother, Khalid has always been healthy and happy. The disease just came knocking and brought a lot of changes into him and also to the rest of us in the family. To cut the story short, he has developed into a very matured, calm and god-hearing person. Actually he was the best among us, in terms of patience and calmness and his inner strength in facing such a difficult and trying test from the Almighty Allah is so great and is something I hope to emulate.

The happy moments that I will cherish are the time we spent together, having breakfast, going to school, studying, watching television and playing games in Play-Station2. My brother Khalid is not like most of us who would spends hours in front of television. He watched only selected programs like The Apprentice, Third watch and Smallville. He valued his time and had his priorities. He likes to play rugby but could not pursue his interest in this game because of his health condition post chemotherapy and bone marrow transplant. After the transplant using my elder sister, his energy level took a long time to get back to normal. I would pace my walking speed to be equal to his and this caused me many time to be punished by teachers for being late. I do not mind being reprimanded or even caned because I do not want to leave my brother walking to school alone. Furthermore, I had to carry the drawing board, his water bottle and other heavy stuff to ease his burden. During this recovery period he had to avoid physical and psychological stress and I want to be there to help him out.

I enjoyed doing revision with him. He was always very serious about his studies and was determined to achieve the best results. He always did better than me but he started to perform less during the trial exam because he was unwell most of time. It has been almost two years after his bone marrow transplant in 2004 and he was already feeling healthy and disease free but during the trial he was already having symptoms of a relapse. It came as a surprise when doctors broke the news of a relapse of the disease and I was to be tested for a blood match to ascertain whether I would be a possible donor for him as the doctors planned to do a second transplant on him. I was ever too willing to give m bone marrows if this could help him save his life.

I will remember with deep sorrow how determined he was to fight this disease for the second time and still did his revision during his chemotherapy treatment. His eagerness to do well and achieve his dreams was not dampened by the sickness. I brought his books to the ward just as he instructed prior to my visit, during which we discussed about various subjects and the coming exam.

It was really sad that during his chemotherapy he developed an infection in his lungs and succumbed to his disease peacefully within two days. I cried my heart out to see my brother lifeless and gone forever, just a few days from the exam that he was looking forward to do well in since the beginning of the year. Much as I wanted him to recover and get well, I accepted the fate that befalls on my most wonderful and great brother who will remembered. He is also dearly missed by his classmates and teachers, who were all fond of him. We all belong to Allah and to Him we will all return. Allahummaghfirlahu warhamhu wa’afihi wa’fuanhu…..



in memory of Khalid Abdul Aziz;
Abdullah Zubair bin Abdul Aziz


ya Allah aku ini insan yang kalah
balutlah hatiku yang terbelah
juga terpisah-pisah

ya Allah hanya padaMu aku meminta
dan hanya padaMu ku memohon
mohon dengan sangat..

beri kekuatan jua ketabahan utk selamanya..



7 02 2007


tika terkuak jendela hari
fajar belum pun menyisih lagi
tercari-cari kemana telah pergi
dia yang pernah menemani disisi

kuharap sinar menerang kabus
agar terang lorong perjalananku
kusangka cerah siangku hari ini
mendung pula menutupi

gerimis ini terlalu pagi
menghantar sayu pilu dihati
gerimis ini bagai mengerti
dikau yang pergi takkan kembali

menyekat gerimis yang gugur dipipi
terimbau kenangan yang pernah terlukis
dalam gerimis yang bagaikan mengerti
jasadmu diusung pergi

kupujuk diriku tidak menyesali
pemergianmu tertulis di azali
namun hati ini sukarku bohongi
kehilanganmu tak berganti

gerimis tiba dihujungnya
sampai waktu kan berhenti jua
begitulah kehidupan kita didunia
tiada siapa yang kekal selamanya
entah bila waktu ku akan tiba



Berat rasa hati utk melangkah meninggalkan keluarga lagi..kenangan lalu membuatkan hati ini sayu utk berjauhan..tapi inilah yg dinamakan pengorbanan..perjalanan kehidupanku telah ditentukan ALLAH dgn segala yg terbaik..harus jua menerimanya dgn redha..mudah-mudahan perpisahan kali ini akan berakhir dgn pertemuan semula kelak, tidak di dunia, di akhirat kelak, biizniHi..<miss arwah Khalid, nenek Enon, atuk Maidin dan atuk Hj Omar..Allahummaghfirlahum warhamhum wa’afihi wa’fu’anhum..smg mereka tenang di sana, amiin>

~ku ingin berjumpa dgnmu
mereka yg telah menghadap Illahi
biarkanlah hanya dlm mimipi
untuk menghapus semua rinduku~