After 21 days he passed away…written by asma’

19 12 2006

 

After 21 days my
brother Khalid passed away, I am still struggling to accept the fact
that he has left us forever to return to Allah Almighty. We will
remember and deeply miss him forever. I can’t believe I’ve lost my
brother, someone that very close to us. Before this I’ve lost two of my
grandfathers and a grandmother. I was not beside them during their last
breath. Atuk Maidin passed away when I was 14 years old. That was my
first experience and I was really sad and I can’t even look at him in a
dying state. I went to the kitchen and sit under the kitchen table and
cried, cried and cried. Five years later, atuk Hj.Omar left me,
followed by my grandmother just last year.

 

I was very grateful
I was chosen by Allah to be by Khalid’s side at the time of his last
breath.(Ummi is deeply saddened for being deprived to be with him
during the last moment of parting…but this is all pre-arranged by Allah
who is All Knower) I saw with my own pair of eyes how he released his
last two breaths. As soon as ummi went out to take a bath, I went
inside…we took turn to be at his side. I looked at the blood pressure
machine, his BP was dropping and the doctor said “Your brother is
going, call your parents”. I called ummi but failed. A few minutes
after that, his oxygen saturation and BP cannot be read, only the heart
was still beating. I went to his side and recited the kalimah to him…I
said…ingat Allah Khalid…Allah, Allah, Allah….At that time I can’t take
it anymore…I cried really hard and I can see him took two deep breaths
and became silent just like that…I felt his pulse and it was not
there…his heart rate dropped to 26 beats per minute…the doctor said he
had passed away….I waited until the monitor showed a straight line…I
can’t describe how much sorrow I felt that time…

I’ve
lost my brother who was very healthy in spite of the disease that he
got. Before he had shortness of breath on Monday, he was okay, he could
still walk, go to the bathroom by himself, pray….Everything started on
Monday afternoon when he had shortness of breath….doctor inserted a CVP
and he was on oxygen and dopamine…later when it was not resolved  they
gave him BiPAP (bilateral positive airway pressure ventilatory
support)…That thing compressed his face and give pressure to his
face…his nose was swollen because of the thing…I can’t forget how he
struggled so much to breathe…he was really tachypnoeic…he used all his
accessory respiratory muscles….despite all that his spO2 was still low.
I never see him cry before but during this time I can see his tears
flowing out….he must be in pain…he wanted to urinate and I offered to
help him but he refused….although he was in respiratory distress, he
still didn’t want me to help him….He is a very shy and modest person,
he has always been so….I gave him the uriner and wet tissues to him. It
was a very heartbreaking moment to witness how determined he was to do
things himself despite being in a critical state. May Allah Most
Gracious reward him for his endurance of this difficult and trying
moments. He had tears again which is self explanatory of what he is
going through.

On
that Monday night,  abah, ummi, Zubair, Huzaifah, nenek, ami, nek ummi
n makcik were also there to be by his side. There was very little or
hardly any communication between all of them and Khalid because he was
no longer able to speak. At about 12pm abah and the others went to a
hotel to take a rest and ummi and I stayed.  It was so hurtful to look
at him….I asked him to take a deep breath and then let go….He was okay
for a few minutes but then tachypnoeic again, his respiratory rate was
above 40 per minute….he looked restless. At 2 in the morning ummi asked
me to sleep while she took care of him. At 3 ummi woke me up and said
Khalid had to be intubated. The doctor feared that if he kept on being
tachypnoeic like that he would just collapse. When Ummi told Khalid
that he had to be intubated…at first he didn’t want to do it but later
he agreed….he gave ummi a long stare….until the anaesthesiologist asked
us to go out…I asked for a permission to stay but she said that it is
better if I was not there. After about a few minutes, everything was
done and he was unconscious….I never imagined that he will be like
this. The aspergillus that attacked his right lung multiplied really
fast because Khalid was immunosuppressed for a long period…his WBC was
0.1 for 14 days….following a high dose chemotherapy regime(MIDAC) plus
Campath

His
temperature was very high…I did tepid sponging for him to reduce the
temperature. I sprayed zam-zam water to his palm and wiped over his
face, and wet his lips with the water. I never do these things for him
before and hardly touch him because we know that he didn’t like it.
Abah came at 4 in the morning. We read Quran and Yasin for him. I went
for tahajjud and Subuh prayer in a musolla and I prayed that Allah will
cure him…InsyaAllah the antifungal agents can get rid of the fungal
infection….and this is the first time I make dua  that Allah will give
the best to him….if death is the best for him…kami redha…tapi if umur
dia masih panjang…please cure him…don’t let him suffer…we as muslims
should believe in qada’ n qadar Allah. Before this everytime in the
last sujud, I asked Allah to cure him completely…as long as I’m healthy
he will be too. Till now during my last sujud….terdoa camtu…..before I
realized that he already went to see the Almighty.  All Praise be to
Allah for giving me such a great brother, whose nineteen years of
presence in this temporary world is that of pure goodness, calmness and
happiness which my family and I will miss forever. ALLAHUMAGHFIRLAHU
WARHAMHU WA’AFIHI WA’FU’ANHU

22

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One response

7 02 2007
HaNiAkTaJ

sorry for just realize n read this article. iknow its really2 too late after almost 3 month, but it really touch my heart..really2..to kak asma’, i would like to seek apologize for last month i’ve asked you about arwah during the programme. i feel very2 sorry when you finally tears your eyes at the end of your story. really sorry for that. i dont mean it. to sumayyah, i really appreciate your visit to IIUM,kuantan last 3 weeks, how tough you are, despite your deep sadness, u can still laugh n make joke with all of us. i really touch with your cheerful face. you all are really tough n have being choosen by ALLAH to face this tough blessed test.barakallahufiik!!

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